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| With Christmas just a few hours away, we’re seeing a great deal of frenzy developing at Arkansas Walmart stores, especially in the newly-remodeled Bentonville Walmart and always hectic Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market in Pinnacle Hills, no too far from the manufacturing plant of one of the hottest toys made near Pinnacle Hills.While some of the hottest toys of the season are available at Target, there are a few that the buyers at Target left off the list.
We found one hot toy you definitely will not find at Target.Check out the following limited edition toys we wish were available only at selected Walmart stores in Arkansas for a limited time. Called Barbee (pronounced “bhay-be” – the “r” is silent) this toy is all the rage among everyone we know – including liberals, gays, homophobics, bankrupt developers, conservatives, and even right-winged politicans – across the state of Arkansas. We hear Bill Clinton will receive one for Christmas this year directly from the manufacturer. Is this fab new toy on your holiday wish list? It should be! Eureka Springs Barbee: This Barbee is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstock with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow or when it’s dinner time. She does not want or need a Kenny Barbee, but if you purchase two Harrison Barbees and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free. Eureka Springs II Barbee: This versatile Barbee can be easily converted from Barbee to Kenny by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts. She still wants you to call her when it’s dinner time. Fayetteville Barbee: Comes with an assortment of second-hand Kate Spade Handbags, a dented Lexus SUV, and a long-haired foreign dog named Honey that humps everything in sight. She lives in a cookie-cutter McMansion with a mortgage that’s so upside down, well, you know. Available with or without the botched tummy tuck, boob job, and face lift. Alcoholic Kenny sold only in conjunction with the augmented version. Fort Smith Barbee: The modern day homemaker Barbee is available with the ten-year-old Ford Windstar mini-van on the verge of being repossessed, plus a matching gym outfit complete with torn armpits to match the torn seats in the van. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Harrison Barbee: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweedy bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Kenny’s butt when she’s drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Pinnacle Hills Barbee: This yuppie Barbee comes with your choice of last-year’s BMW or Hummer H2. Included are a personalized Starbucks cup good only at the Starbucks that closed last year, a credit card that’s over the limit, and a faux-country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Kenny and Private School Skipper. You can only purchase these at the local bank, because everything was repo’d because daddy was a Northwest Arkansas real estate developer that went bust. Rogers Barbee: This Barbee is no longer available for political reasons, but can still be found on eBay. Wearing just one shoe, this Barb went broke running a pizza joint in historic downtown Rogers, then got busted for running a Ponzi-scheme, finally committing pretend-suicide by pretending to throw herself off the Beaver Lake Dam. Springdale Barbee: This Barbee is attired in the traditional chicken-processing job garb, where she chokes Kenny’s little chicken on a daily basis. She comes with a green-card, twelve bambinos, and speaks only Spanish. SW Little Rock Barbee: This Barbee now comes with a stroller and two in-bred infant Barbee wannabes. Optional accessories include a GED with last year’s maps and an expired bus pass. Gangsta Kenny and his 1971 Caddy were available, but is now very difficult to find since the addition of the mixed-breed infant. West Memphis Barbee: This recently paroled Barbee comes with a 9mm toy handgun, a fake Ray Lewis knife, and a 64′ Chevy with dark tinted windows. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) …unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about. Pine Bluff Barbee: This Barbee was never available… she got shot before she made it to the list. Legal Notice: Please do not confuse these toys with products made by other companies, including Barbie (r) which is made by Mattel (r). Our toys should not be confused with any Mattel ™ or Barbie ™ toy, or any other toy on the market. Any resemblance to any toy or person, living or dead, or anything currently available in a Walmart store is a mere coincidence. Parody comparisons are strictly in the eyes of the reader and possibly intended. No Rights are Reserved. A photo of Fayetteville Barbee is shown below so as not to be confused and for comparison to similar products on the market. |
| Apparently Rogers and Fayetteville aren’t the only places in Northwest Arkansas where restaurants open and close faster than the mouths of local business boosters and spinners.Another restaurant fatality occurred this week when Stacy’s Cafe on the Bentonville Square went out of business. No surprise here. We expect dozens more restaurants in Northwest Arkansas to close in the coming months. I hope aspiring restaurant entrepreneurs (especially those from out-of-town) take note and give second thoughts about taking a similar fatal plunge in the neighborhoods of Northwest Arkansas.
Local business boosters are in high gear blaming everything, except the fact there are way too many restaurants for the area. The truth is, folks built dozens of restaurants across Northwest Arkansas expecting massive growth that simply never came – and probably won’t come during our lifetime. Sure, cheap little Mexican fast-food joints, operators with deep local ties and a building owned by mom and dad, corporate-owned faux-Italian/Chinese, and burger/chicken drive-thrus will continue to pop-up catering to vendors and low income immigrants, but those operators have (had) deep pockets. For everyone else, it’s now a fool’s game – especially out-of-towners investing in a restaurant gig. Mom, who tosses hash and eggs at customers at the local pancake joint, warns aspiring restaurant owners to “keep prices low, hustle customers at your church, and throttle-back on your lifestyle.” Excuse abound over what went wrong at Stacy’s. 40/29 gives one angle: http://ow.ly/OZUa |
Fayetteville, Northwest Arkansas – The U. S. Marshals Service and the Northwest Arkansas Sex Offender and Violent Crime Task Force recently surpassed a monumental mark. “This month marks 1000 fugitive arrests for the task force,” said Deputy U. S. Marshal Dewaine Allen.
The Task Force began its work in November 2007, with a grant of more than $500,000. The grant was written and is administered by the Benton County Sheriff’s Office, but funding is close to an end. Without additional funding, the NWA Sex Offender and Violent Crime Task Force will have exhausted all resources in March 2010, and effectively conclude operations through the Benton County funding. The U. S. Marshals Service will continue operating the task force, but with limited resources.
According to Deputy Allen, “The grant monies have been used to purchase Task Force Officer vehicles, emergency lighting, radios and other equipment for officers.” The grant was also used to lease a private office space in Springdale until operations could be relocated to the U. S. Marshals Service office in Fayetteville. “Relocating saved us considerable funding, but resources are at an end, and we need additional funding to operate,” said Deputy Allen. Computers, phones, and overtime were also paid from the grant. “Unless additional resources are obtained, the task force will lose its most valuable resource…our administrative assistant, who is paid by the Benton County Sheriff’s Office via the grant,” said Deputy Allen.
The NWA Task Force and its many partners have arrested more than 1000 fugitives since inception. The task force performs sex offender compliance checks throughout Northwest Arkansas, and in its new location serves as the “Fusion Center”, a central location where sex offenders report to initially register, as well as update registration information such as employment, vehicle information, and residence status. Sex offenders from Benton County, Springdale, and Fayetteville currently report to the Fusion Center on a weekly basis.
The Northwest Arkansas Sex Offender and Violent Crime Task Force is comprised of the U. S. Marshals Service, Benton, Washington, Madison, and Carroll County Sheriff’s Office, as well as Fayetteville, Springdale, Rogers, Siloam Springs, and the Bentonville Police Departments. The Arkansas Department of Community Corrections is also a valued member. The Benton County Sheriff’s Office currently manages the grant that funds the task force.
Every year, the U.S. Marshals and its associated task forces throughout the country arrest more fugitives than all federal law enforcement agencies combined. Last year, this number was more than 73,000 state and local fugitives and more than 36,000 federal fugitives. Additional information about the U.S. Marshals can be found at http://www.usmarshals.gov/
Everyone is writing me these days wondering why I’m not spewing my usual volume of banter on this awesome blog of mine (awesome is my word – not theirs).
It seems some readers have gotten used to me writing with the same predictability and hot steam as that geyser which spouts-off in Yellowstone Park.
The answer: blame it on Twitter. We’ve fallen victim to the spell of Twitter. Well not really…We’re not a victim of Twitter-dom.
No, we’re just succumbing to laziness, a spell-check-free world, and a busy schedule (attending speeches, working double-shifts, ranting and raving, and generally pissing everyone off around town with the truth about our neighborhood). I just can’t find enough time to point out everything that’s wrong with this place in detail.
So, if you want the latest sound bytes on what’s going wrong with our neighborhood, check us out on Twitter: www.twitter.com/nwarkansas. I promise to keep it under 140 letters and spaces.
| In spite of all the hype about “the good ‘ol days” of real estate coming back in Washington and Benton County, the bad news keeps stacking up for home sellers.No, I’m not talking about foreclosure sales that are propping up sales and dragging down prices (and banks and real estate agents). I’m talking about homes for sale by people who keep making their payments on time.According to the latest stats from the locals who compile stats about Northwest Arkansas real estate, the average price of homes continued to decline, ‘er I mean tank, in the third quarter.
The average price per square foot of homes sold in Benton County was just $80.26 in the third quarter – compared to $97.16 in the third quarter of 2006. In Washington County, the average price fell from $103.63 to $86.28 per square foot. These are huge price declines worthy of headline-making Las Vegas, Bakersfield, Phoenix, Riverside County (CA), and other high-profile markets that tanked this year. That means three things:
What does this mean for sellers of properties that are owner-occupied and not in some stage of foreclosure? Beyond “expect less” – I have no idea. For community leaders, the message is clear: Figure out the way to bring thousands of jobs (outside of wally-world and vendor-buddies because they aren’t hiring like they used to) to Northwest Arkansas that pay significantly above the minimum wage. Our work force is skilled and smart, albeit decidedly ignorant about what they’re really worth. We’ve got tons of educated and adaptable people looking for jobs. So, the message is clear: In order to fix the housing problem, we need to fix the job problem. |
| A Northwest Arkansas couple was arrested on Saturday allegedly for running cocaine out of a kid’s day care center in Rogers, Arkansas. Cops say the married couple was dealing cocaine out of the same house that was operated as a children’s day care center
The house was located in a quiet neighborhood and was filled with kids, according to the neighbors. The DEA describes Northwest Arkansas as one of the “top 25″ counties in the U.S. for illegal drug activity. Rogers, Arkansas has had numerous arrests in the past few months for illegal drug activity, but it has barely put a dent in the region’s growing illegal drug crime. Even the mayor’s son was recently arrested for allegedly dealing in meth, according to the local paper. The Rogers Police Department was assisted by the Bentonville Police Department in the latest sting. Read more at: http://short.to/wzw1 |
| Many communities across Northwest Arkansas have aging water and sewer systems in desperate need of repairs. Because of declining populations and chronic economic malaise, many towns in Arkansas have no money to pay for them.
The Environmental Protection Agency told state leaders meeting recently in Northwest Arkansas that it will cost almost $5 billion to fix and replace Arkansas’ obsolete and broken water systems. The state will need to spend $400 million to fix aging sewer systems. Rog was shocked to learn that when sewage systems break, some city officials simply redirect and dump raw sewage into nearby empty fields. It gives new meaning to “Arkansas Gold.” While $6 billion is more money than Ernie will sell in lottery tickets this year, it is only about $3,000 per citizen. So we say, let’s float a bond and prove to ourselves we really are the “Natural State” before someone points to us and says, “Arkansas is full of @!#$.” |
In light of the current sexual harassment accusations befriending the Washington County Sheriff’s office in Northwest Arkansas, Rog thought it might be helpful to review some simple advice on how to enhance ones sexual performance in these trying politically-charged times. |
| Barbershop sales get trimmed by road construction in Northwest Arkansas’ historic downtown Rogers. Barbers aren’t the only ones complaining…. Read the ranting: http://cli.gs/L8T51 |
| One story you won’t read about in the local pay-per-view on-line newspaper is the new sexual harassment lawsuit against a bunch of Northwest Arkansas, Washington County sheriff’s officers.
Allegations include wife swapping parties, fistfights, discussions of deputies’ breast augmentation, crude sex talks in the public office. Even our female prisoners were fair game, according to the lawsuit. Alleged spying on female prisoners being strip-searched was only part of the complaint. Plaintiffs say they suffered retaliation for complaining. Not to be left out, a high-ranking captain allegedly joined in the fun with the alleged drawing of a “sex tree” illustrating for a female deputy who she would be permitted (or forbidden) to have sex with in county government. Talk about getting a woody. Someone needs to go to church – or open a strip club – in Northwest Arkansas. Rog read the lawsuit allegations and could hardly believe his pants. Ozarks Unbound covered the story. Here is a posting the lawsuit on-line. |
